Official CWG 2010 Comedian

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

CWG: Suresh Kalmadi thanked Princess Diana for being at the opening ceremony...He should seriously consider taking some rest now..permanently.

Buddha, Didi call on PM to complain against each other..now PM is playing mother to fighting kids| More scholarships for research students

Hunters in real life, shooters at the Games..salmanbhai,r u listening,still there's a chance to enter CWG arena!!

No birthday treat for Salem as cops say no cake in jail| Ayodhya: Nirmohi Akhara ready for talks

ENTER THE GOLDEN BOYS | Bunty runs out of luck on TV |Govt throws rule book at pesky librarian

Super-rich investors buy gold by tonne | Revamped zoo will not house its 8 crocodiles!!

George Michael makes a friend in jail | Vidya seeks vendetta

Vivek helps a homeless woman | Rishi-Neetu are back again

Head"lies" for 29 & 30-sept 2010

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

Monkey gives Badlapur locals sleepless nights | Vasai villagers to gift CM Re.1 coins in protest

Karzai weeps over the state of his country | Praful Patel eyes diplomatic passport

UK bribes people into eating veggies | C’wealth volunteers go missing

UNEASY TIMES | After $1M lottery win, US man wins $2M

These SA women can wrestle with men! | Lonesome Tiger lost in the woods

Kalmadi is a 'liar': Former sports minister Aiyar | Great Indian Bustard sighted in Solapur after 20 years.

more to come,will update soon...

Tuesday GA'MESS

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

Cleaning up the village is not my Job says Kalmadi...after cleaning the state treasury

Hang me if I am found guilty after games: Kalmadi ...as u wish.

Nuclear-armed Pak becomes chair of IAEA board | thief becomes state treasurer

No golmaal here... Producer’s wife seeks Rs 3 lakh per month maintenance | HC takes stock of noise at Mira Rd

Teen robbed of 40K in Goregaon ...surely inflation has caught up with youngsters

Diesel don ‘falls ill’, admitted to JJ hosp |‘Check theft of infants from hosps’ | BMC to start anti-malaria drive today

updated at 11.55 a.m.

CWG Awards
Best/Worst Director : S.Kalmadi
Best/Worst Actor : S.Kalmadi
Best/Worst Actress : S.Dixit
Best/Worst Supporting Actor : M.S.Gill
Best/Worst Supporting Actress: Madamji(mute spectator)
Best/Worst Performance in a Negative Role : Lalit Bhanot
Best/Worst Performance in a Comic Role : M.S.Gill
Best/Worst Male Debut: Lalit Bhanot
Best/Worst Music Director: A.R.Rehman
Best/Worst Male Playback Singer: S.Kalmadi(ALL is WELL)
Best/Worst Female Playback Singer: S.Dixit(ALL is WELL)

Critics' Awards
Critics Award Best Performance : S.Kalmadi(Hang me if I am found guilty)

Special Awards
Lifetime Achievement: S.Dixit(Do Nothing for Common man)
Special Performance Award: M.S.Gill (acting Deaf and Dumb in front of News Camera)

Best/ Worst Scene of the Year: S.Kalmadi,S.Dixit,M.S.Gill at Village (3 idiots)

Technical Awards
Best/Worst Action : Foot over bridge collapse
Best/Worst Art Direction : Paan stained corridor and toilets at the village
Best/Worst Background Score : ALL IS WELL
Best/Worst Choreography : S.Kalmadi (showing Demo flats to news camera)
Best/Worst Story : CWG Games bid
Best/Worst Screenplay: Corrupt babus
Best/Worst Dialogue : "Games Village is world class"
Best/Worst Sound Recording : Foot over Bridge collapse, falling False ceiling's and s(t)inking floors
Best/Worst Special Effects : PWD (Super Structures fall down in seconds)

updated at 2.30.pm.
Latest NEWS: Suresh Kamadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG stadium. But the Stadium collapsed!!!

Compromise formula: Ayodhya temple will be built by S.Kalmadi & Co,AIMPLB very Happy,RSS Shocked and Shaken.

Suresh Kalmadi becomes Suresh Kabaadi(scrap dealer) after CWG games.

more to come,will update soon...

Monday GA'MESS BluES

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL? .. must be kalmadi with a candle at the other end

Delhi Zoo organizes CWG village tour for its inmates to showcase the living conditions for world class guests.

Indian cuisine - a big hit with CWG visitors ..becoz Politicians(Sk,Sd,MSG) are not involved in cooking that's why its a big hit.

more to come,will update soon...

SUNDAY GA'MESS

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

Akshay’s big gamble | Knockout blow: Boxer’s bed collapses

Pawar takes a dig at Kalmadi, calls CWG a joke.. |‘We can’t be buffoons all the time’ | Finally, Kalmadi owns up failure

I got Village late, says Kalmadi | Salem’s aide attacked in jail

Experience the joy of giving this week | Queen ‘sought’ poverty fund to heat palace

Chinese hack UPSC website ..now babu-aspirants have to learn chinese to pass the exam

In Thailand,husbands are being imported | New police helpline for Navi Mumbai citizens

Oliver Stone coming to Mumbai! |12-yr-old bites abductor, flees

Lalu launches son Tejaswi in politics| Yamuna rises to 32-yr high


from Latest unknown jaggu's sources here are LATEST FULL FORM for indian mkts

BSE = Business Se Exit
NSE = Nikkama(Umemployed/Useless) Since Entry
FnO = Failure & Outcaste
Nifty = No Income For The Year
FII's = Fraud International Investors
DII's = Dongi Indian Investors
BTST = Buy Today Suicide Tomorrow
Trade= Loss anyways,Your Broker Richer


updated at 5:30pm
Some Must Read books for thought
In Bad Books by S.Kalmadi
Not for Common man,but for ConMan by S.Dixit
Fish Soup by M.S.Gill
(interesting all people have "S" in/as their name ????, Madamji/Singhji are u listening)

South African guests have found a snake in their apartment in CWG Village,but indians are worried abt Anaconda named Kalmadi,if found please return it to CWG village Drains.

more to come.will update soon...

GA'MESS MADNESS

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

LaTeSt UpDaTE

'India bribed 72 nations to get Delhi CWG'..wow..Oh My Tommy,.i dint knew there were so many countries

Kalmadi ka intazar 72 mulko ki athletes kar rahi hai..Kalmadi Ko Samjhana Mushkil Hi Nahi Namunkin Hai

Gen Mushraff has arrived at CWG village, in order to find mates for his dogs

Pak team has arrived at village declaring 2 tonnes of dog food as their practice equipment

Prithvi-II fails to take off in user's trial | Suresh kalmadi goes missing!

Ramesh, rlys trade charges over Bengal jumbo deaths | Chaos hitting India’s image, says Moody’s

more to come.will update soon...

CORRUPT WEALTH GAMES aka CWG

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

‘There were problems... we’ve sorted them out’ says Suresh Kalmadi...Dabangg song aptly fits here " India hua Badnaam, Kalmadi Tere liye"

DEAR CWG VISITORS PLEASE NOTE THESE INVISIBLE INSTRUCTIONS:

1. WELCOME TO CORRUPT WEALTH GAMES aka CWG

2. STRAY DOGS WILL ACCOMPANY YOU TILL THE ROOMS,THEY ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AS BED-PARTNERS, IF U NEED SO, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THEM AS U PLEASE.

3. PLEASE BRING PERFUMES, SCENTS TO AVOID STINKING BATHROOMS...PLEASE USE SCUBA DIVING GEAR DURING THE STAY.

4. MIND YOUR HEAD & BODY SINCE FOOT OVER BRIDGE, FALSE CEILINGS, BUILDINGS MAY COLLAPSE ANY TIME..ALWAYS USE HELMET DURING THE STAY..BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

5. YOU HAVE TO BRING BROOMSTICK, OTHER CLEANING EQUIPMENT & NEW BED FOR BETTER STAY.

6. PLEASE DO NOT FORGET TO BRING MOSQUITO NET OR LIQUIDS TO AVOID DENGUE, MALARIA ETC..

7. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY.

8. WE HOPE YOUR STAY WILL BE MEMORABLE SINCE WE HAVE SPENT 80000 CRORES ( EIGHTY THOUSAND CRORES) FOR THE ABOVE SAID FACILITIES.

9. FOR ANY ASSISTANT PLEASE CONTACT SHIELA.

YOURS CORRUPT WEALTH GAMES COMMITTEE
sd/- KALLU MAMA,SHIELA AUNTY,FISHY GILL

Love thy neighbour
Pakistan defence budget increased by Rs110 billion,due to Urdu typographical error.

Pakistan declares unconditional support for Commonwealth Games,“The show must go on,” says Pakistani foreign minister Shah Mahmood Qureshi at UN assembly,while Scotland has threatened to pull out of the games because the venues were dirty (he laughs for 1 hour 30 seconds)and then says “Indians were trying to prove that our boys were dirty!”

If dogs could stay in that CWG village then humans too,remember, dog was sent to the moon before humans went there,did we do anything wrong,asks Kallu mama....

Breaking news
Tata Docomo has launched the CWG joke service at 1 paise per day, but customers say they have to climb telecom towers and electric poles, sit for a few hours to 'collect' these messages.

News Headlines Remixed dated 22 -Sep-2010

Unrelated Headlines just for Humor

CWG shocker: stray dog found on athlete bed | Menakaji,see how Shiela aunty is very kind to four legged ones,she built a brand new city only for them.

Games Village is filthy, says CEO of CGF ... After all,Shelia aunty says Delhi is a world class city and its time that all the things of the world will showup!

Close shave for min as catamaran catches fire ..looks like he is Fiery minister

Kate Winslet in love again | CHERYL COLE CALLS UP HER DOGS!